(I was hesitating on the publishing of this post because its a bit controversial. Originally, had I published it when it was ready, it would’ve gone live on the site on July 1, 2014. But instead of getting my posts out of order for this topic, I’m publishing it on the 3rd.)
I’ve been asked, so I’m telling: the book Be a Goddess, by Francesca De Grandis, which is the book I’ve been working from (for the umpteenth time) was originally published in 1998. When Francesca’s book made its appearance to me, I was only halfway looking for something. In truth, I had prayed aloud to the Goddess to please help me feel something deeper and more meaningful. At the time, I was going through the parting of ways of the second Coven I’d run, so there was that, which likely had a lot to do with the way I was feeling at the time. But after the book found me, I read a few pages and then put it down. I was not fully ready for it at the time, but later picked it up again and began the process outlined in its pages.
This week’s lesson is on ethics.
A statement that I did not agree with is a detail that is generally not that important to me. Different people have different ways of viewing things. However, I found the statement to be just slightly judgey. Francesca wrote, “A student of mine insisted that there was nothing wrong with sleeping with his best friend’s wife: ‘After all, we are all grown ups, and we all love each other.’ Although those are convincing words – sound rhetoric disguises a multitude of sins – he learned that the reason some people call sleeping with another man’s wife immoral is because the laws of human nature are such that someone gets hurt physically or emotionally.” [ref]De Grandis, Francesca, Be A Goddess! (New York: HarperCollins, 1998), 182.[/ref]
Here’s my problem with that statement: it assumes that monogamy is the natural state of a relationship. In reality, throughout history, in both the animal and human kingdoms of nature (as if the two are separate at all, which is laughable to me), monogamy has not been the norm. Most monogamous couples (in the human realm) end up cheating on one another at least once during their relationship. Sometimes its discovered, sometimes its confessed, sometimes its both, and sometimes its neither. In that instance, yes, it is possible that one or both individuals in that relationship can be emotionally damaged, having destroyed the trust upon which their love was built. But ~ and this is kind of a biggie ~ from my experience and in my opinion, monogamy is a gift, and not everyone is built for that. In fact, I’d say most people are not built for monogamy, from what I’ve seen.
If you’ve followed my blog for long or have gone back over some past posts, you might know that my partner and I are in an open relationship. For years, we were monogamous ~ because I wanted to be monogamous. Except that it was a complete farce. I, being the person I am, ended up cheating on my partner at least twice. After the second round of attempts at monogamy ~ which lasted a good while, actually ~ I finally had to confess to my partner that I did not think I was able to handle this stipulation. We agreed to an open relationship and the two of us have never been happier. We’ve grown closer, we enjoy our time together more, and we are both emotionally stable individuals (well, as stable as can be, whatever the fuck stable really means).
At any rate, moving forward …
The point of the story from Francesca’s point of view (from what I’ve gleaned from her writing) is that ethical behavior and the operational foundation of the energetic/spirit realm are based in physics. Yes, physics is a set of natural laws that are immutable ~ can’t be broken. Francesca’s example is that the glass will break if you drop it and that, no matter how many sacred words of power you utter, you can’t stop the glass from being subject to the law of gravity. True enough. But if you’re quick enough to intercept the glass’ fall with a pillow, you may save it.
Likewise, Francesca says, (and I’m paraphrasing, of course) the natural laws of the psychic/energetic/spiritual realm are such that, if you harm someone else with magic, you will reap the rewards, whether they are rewards you want or not. Mmmm … maybe. I very much believe in a law of cause and effect (not Karma, not the Threefold Law, not rebound) … but I do not believe that Mother (like the so-called father I deserted before Her) is a vengeful, vindictive bitch. Nor is She jealous or angry with us when we fuck up (because we all do fuck up in our own ways). Like my example of gravity above, if you intercept with a pillow, the damage is either considerably lessened, or completely negated. Meaning: there are ways around negative rebound from the use of negative magic. Coming from a family line that has used folk magic/conjure/rootwork, rest assured that I am aware of many of these methods.
Does that mean I deliberately run around causing harm to others on a whim, because, perhaps, one day someone accidentally pops me in the behind with their grocery cart in the supermarket? No, not all. Even though there are ways around some negative fallout with magic, one still has to use his/her brain to think Well, if I did this, and the safety net for some reason had a ginormous hole in it, would I be willing to accept the consequences of my actions?
And there is where the law of cause and effect enters the picture. You raised, programmed and directed power at a specific goal. That goal manifests. But, as a result, some funk is ricocheted back your way. You can shield like a boss, so you do. But for some reason, there just happens to be a tiny pinhole in your shielding one day when the consequences come a-callin’ and you let your guard down. Boom, you lose your job. Was the negative magic worth it? Well, that’s all relative, isn’t it? In some situations, if I could just run out and get another job almost immediately, bringing in just as much income, maybe it was worth it, because maybe that other bastard got his just desserts. On the other hand, maybe it takes me six months to find another job, or even a year. Was that worth it? Hindsight is 20/20, as they say, so its a judgement call you really have to make for yourself.
In the above example of consequence ~ losing one’s job ~ I don’t think that has anything to do with Karma (which isn’t even a Wiccan concept, technically), or the Threefold Law, or even Rebound. Its not Momma punishing the rebellious teenager, either. Its you being subject to natural law. But suppose you held out your pillow quickly enough and your glass didn’t break? Suppose you did the appropriate cleansings after the fact and your negative magical rebound was unable to find you or unable to stick to you? What then? Does that negate every law of physics or nature or psychic ethics? No, not at all. It just means your deflection was successful.
But once again: you have to be the one to use your brain to see for sure if, by some fluke, your deflection mechanism failed, would you be willing to accept the shit that is coming to you?
Perhaps the guy that slept with his best friend’s wife would’ve been better able to handle the situation if he were not lying to himself about “love.” Because, in reality, love had nothing to do with that sexual encounter and I can damn-near guarantee it. It was all about the sexual gratification of the ego in a moment. I’ve been there. And there’s nothing inherently wrong with that situation, unless you’re breaking a contract with your partner (in which case, you’re also breaking a contract with your Godself ~ but that’s a whole brother from another mother, and I’m running out of time and space for writing today).