When It Seems Like Everything Turns To Shit – Alan Fuller | The Shaman Witch

When It Seems Like Everything Turns To Shit

I don’t know that I’ve told this particular story before, so I’m just gonna let it all hang out there, if you don’t mind. It’s about my previous career.

I had been a Certified Nurse’s Assistant for 14 years, and loved my job. I worked in probably 5 different assisted living facilities over those 14 years. My second-to-last job as a C.N.A. was my absolute favorite.

I was beloved of my Director of Nursing. I was always being told how great I was, or how wonderful it was that I was such a leader in my patient care. According to her, I was just the productive C.N.A. she was looking for. Her exact words were, “You’re always pushing to exceed your own boundaries of excellence in patient care.” That’s why I was her favorite.

But when she was promoted to a regional position for the corporation, a new Director of Nursing took over. It’s not abnormal. Happens all the time. But the new chick was a no-go. She disliked me, and she would look for reasons to discipline me. And it was always for stupid shit that no one else ever got called out on. Honestly, I think she was just bitter. It all went to shit, and I was in the office 2 to 3 times each week sometimes.

To keep it 100, it was all stupid shit that wasn’t even actually happening – dumb shit, like “being too social.” (Yes, I actually had a written disciplinary form that had those exact words written on it.) I guess she didn’t like the fact that my residents and their families were always asking me about the day-to-day activities of their loved ones. I think she was jealous – or her mother, the charge nurse was jealous – because my residents were always pleased to see me on the shift that day. Like I said: bitter.

It was constant. I hated her. But I loved the job.

I did Tarot readings 3 or 4 times a week, asking what was wrong. I wanted to know why this woman seemed to be targeting me for things that never happened, or for some trumped up bullshit. I wondered if she was just trying to get under my skin for some reason. I wondered if I had been hexed. But no matter what, the Tarot kept telling me there was nothing wrong – that it would pass, and I should wait it out.

I consulted my pendulum with yes/no questions.

  • Did I do something to her I’m unaware of? No.
  • Did she not like the group of people I associated with at work, and so by proxy, I was on her target list? No.
  • Is there a spiritual blockage that’s causing this? Yes.
  • Am I hexed? No.
  • Is it a chakra? No.
  • Are any of my spiritual practices in conflict with one another? No.

No matter what, I couldn’t get a straight answer.

Until one day, I discovered something about a coworker – she was also a magical practitioner. At first, I thought she’d threw something down and I got some junk through my feet. But no amount of cleansing took care of the issue, so that wasn’t it.

Through consulting with my spirits in meditation, I discovered that my coworker was a Bruja.

The new D.O.N. had made some racist comments when she first arrived. These were overheard by my coworker-friend. Worried about whether she’d lose her job because of her ethnicity, my coworker-friend did some sweetening work on the boss-lady. And my coworker-friend went so overboard with the sweetening work that the Director of Nursing didn’t like anyone but that coworker-friend. And if you hung out with that coworker-friend, boss-lady was jealous about it.

It took a while to figure that out, but I had to stop with the divinations to do it. I had to slow down, take the time to talk with my spirit advisors, and then the evidence of what was going on appeared.

In the end, I was one of the casualties of my coworker-friend’s magical prowess.

But I can’t say I regret it now.

I know everyone says we have to have a “positive attitude.” I know from years of experience that a positive attitude really does pay off in the end, in a lot of situations. But sometimes, you just have to get away in private, and let it out, and wallow in that shit for a while. Feel bad for yourself. Grieve the situation. Be pissy about it. Punch a pillow, or a wall, or a punching bag. Or as I often do: aggressively write shit down.

LOL – I know aggressively writing shit down doesn’t seem like much. But if you’re introverted, empathic, or both, it helps relieve the frustration sometimes. At the very least, writing all that shit down gets all that shit out of your head so you can focus elsewhere. Like, instead of tossing around in the bed with awful, vengeful thoughts running through your mind (or picturing an argument over and over), you might actually go to sleep, if you get that shit out of your brain first.

I don’t dislike my current regular gig. Most of the time, it affords me time alone several hours a day, where I can contemplate things of a Bigger Nature. It allows me to be creative, and to actually create. It allows me the ability to innovate solutions, find workarounds, and problem solve. I actually kinda love it. Solving problems, and resolving issues, kinda gets me going.

But, man, when I can’t resolve it – or when I can’t find an actionable solution right away – Oh Gawds, how it frustrates me. So I wallow in a few minutes of self-pity, and grieve the issue. That’s called “owning responsibility,” which, honestly, is not something any of us need to do for our jobs – at least not after our shift is over.

So if we do some work on our boss, and later down the road, some tech issue crops up (which, mundanely, is completely unrelated), is that really karma? (I don’t believe in karma the way most western folk do.) Or is it “cause and effect?” Is it backlash? Or is it just the universe being the universe, and the two things are completely unrelated?

I tend to believe the latter. I think that a psychic or magical attack (a hex, or similar) is commonplace among certain communities, always plotting revenge on each other. But I also think that a true curse or attack is a lot more rare than we realize. People like me tend to plan a good curse, but by the time we’re ready to throw it, it’s like, “Ugh, all this for something not even that important? Fuck that. Namaste on the couch and have a Martini.”

As Witches, we may get short-sighted, what with all the ability to affect change in our world that is readily available to us. But we need to be mindful of the fact that our power doesn’t just affect our target. Sometimes, there are side effects, or innocent bystanders who might inadvertently be in the path of our work. Hence, having a Martini instead.

And even good work sometimes goes sour – for someone.

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